I run a consulting company. What does that mean?
It means I make a post on LinkedIn, once a day. Three hours later, I like my own post. Two more hours later, I add a comment. I then like my own comment. Then, I repost my post on my company's page, as my company, and praise myself. Then, I repost that repost from my company, and thank my own company for liking my post.
After that, I pay $3.00 on Facebook, to market my company's post - so that someone clicking on it by accident will inadvertently boost engagement. After that, I share my own post to my company's Facebook page, and leave a comment with "just in case anyone's looking for this post" with a dozen hashtags.
I then like that comment too, the next day. Afterwards, I repost my own post, with some "follow-up thoughts". Next, I leave a comment in the comments with a link to the first post. My company's follow-up post also gets a link in my repost; on my company's page, I make sure to leave a comment linking to the repost.
In-between my own praise of myself, like a general giving himself a medal, I make a newsletter post, celebrating one of our own products. A product I made. I then repost that newsletter to my own page, and leave a comment on my company's page.
Then, I thank everyone on each post for the "wonderful responses we've gotten" - but not before waiting at least 24 hours, to maximize the algorithm boost I'd get. If there's no responses in the comments, I mention the "wonderful DMs we've gotten" instead. At this point, I've lost track of what my company actually does.
I've grown my LinkedIn impressions by 6000% in 3 months. I was invited to host a conference on AI - I'm going next week. I'm a good businessman.
When an order actually comes in - the audit may have gone through 3 Eastern European developers; it might've been parsed by an LLM. The product might've been built from StackOverflow code blocks. But, dang it, it gets delivered. Ahead of schedule, and under budget. They always pass audits.
Laugh, laugh if you want - tell yourself this is satire. Weep if you must. Tell yourself that me telling you this is satire, is satire in it of itself. I've got a conference to attend.
I'm an excellent businessman.